Something I have noticed since I started Kindergarten, (in NZ, Kindergarten children are between the ages of 3 - 5 attend, though some are now open to 2 year olds), the badder you are the better, because the more you will get away with it. For example, the kids who were always disobedient received very little punishment, yet if you were out of line now and then; they came down on you like a ton of bricks.
I noticed the same anomaly at primary school and when I was 10, my teacher had us put together a code of conduct for the class. We all had to contribute to it, approve it, then sign it if we chose to commit to it. We put together a really well thought out document and we all agreed on it; then the teacher in question made changes to it. As a result, I no longer agreed to it and refused to sign it.
The teacher in question held me back after class, (a form of discipline I find inappropriate) and attempted to bully me into signing, but I was adamant; eventually she gave in and let me go home. Her later efforts, (which involved trying to ridicule me in front of the class), remained to be unsuccessful. I was an average sort of kid however I do feel that she never forgave me. I distinctly recall her pulling me aside and telling me that just because I was prettier and smarter than many of my classmates, I didn't deserve to be and I wasn't going to have it so easy in her class.
That wreckless statement from a woman who knew no better than to harass a 10 year old child because of her own short comings, stuck with me for decades. It cemented a belief inside of me that I shouldn't try too hard or be better than others, I should feel sorry for them instead of improving myself or standing out. I have never done anything to the best of my ability since then, as it seemed to me to be showing off too much. It was quite preposterous when my first sport was athletics and at 6 years old, I was club champion and had set club records for my age group in sprints, shotput and long jump.
I did well enough to be above average at everything I did, I was competitive by nature, however something always stopped me from giving 100% and truly enjoying my successes. There were a couple of occasions that I nearly overcame this obstacle on my own, however I was always aware of people who claimed to be less fortunate, as everyone felt sorry for them and made excuses for them. If you were too good at things, people got jealous and suspicious of you and invented reasons to cut you down to size, in real life and online.
Well thanks once again to help from Rose, I realised what was holding me back and I'm over being mediocre! This short woman is going to become a 'tall poppy' and shine. To any haters; you are going to need an industrial sized chain saw to bring me down! I am a healthy, strong, talented, athletic, intelligent woman and my children are even stronger and smarter... I'm sick of being made to feel guilty about it or that I am any less than someone else because I don't wear my problems like a badge pinned to my chest. My children will learn to be resilient and proud; nobody will be able to mess with their heads like this, I won't allow it. MicroMe and MissyMe won't just shine; they'll be dazzling!
©Luisa Foliaki – Proud Mumma of MicroMe & MissyMe
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